Bo and Betty, friends forever (Awwwww)
So, this past week, from Tuesday to Friday, I was at my dad's with my friend E. I was nervous about doing something that would break my schedule/routine so much, as I am usually rather attached to my routine, but I wanted to spend time with E. At first I tried to plan what we would do, but it soon became clear that we were both too tired to do much of anything, so we sat on the couch and talked a lot. And that turned out to be the best thing we could possibly do, because it is there in those conversations that you didn't expect to have, that you didn't plan on, that the best and truest moments of connection happen. Those few minutes when I can let my guard down and just talk to someone without analyzing what I'm saying, without thinking of what I'm going to do next and a hundred other things at once....well, they're a lot more meaningful.
So we sat and talked a lot, and for once, I was okay with "just hanging out." That's an interesting principle, because it took me a LONG time to get to this point. I still would only do it with people I knew very well, of course, but... the first few times I went to my dad's after moving here for more than a few hours I was almost terrified because I simply didn't know what I would be doing with my time, and I am a person who needs every minute planned and occupied, even if it's only with TV, lest my brain become overactive and take me hostage lol.
But as I started enjoying being around my parents more, and especially as I finally gained the ability to watch TV, something so many take for granted, I became much more relaxed about it, knowing that there would be at least SOMETHING to do to fill the time.
But for whatever reason, probably the good and relaxing influence of E, I felt more flexible and go with the flow-ish than I ever had this time, and that was a very nice feeling. The first day I was a bit nervous about all the time to fill but the subsequent days I was fine.
I took a nice but icy walk one day...half of it was great, the other not so much lol. Took some cute animal pictures, watched a lot of Third Rock from the Sun, had a lot of heart to heart conversations with E, Skyped with friends online who I introduced to to E and to my dad, made a steak dinner for E and I one night which was fun, mostly because it was actually edible!, and enjoyed the feeling of actually being able to, at least in part, take care of someone else, while at the same time they took care of me. A very nice mutal relationship, of which I have not often experienced. She knew my needs without having to ask and helped me out with things I needed without me asking, and I knew her needs (or at least most of them), and helped her out with them as well - I love that - what more could you ask from a relationship with another person (friendship). It felt so good not to have to feel guilty about asking for help in some areas, or even to have to ask at all - wow! And it felt good so good to be able to help another person. If only all relationships with other people could be like this, right?
I helped my dad out with the trivia he was playing and got to spend some time with him, which was good. It was good to see him and my stepmom without being too rushed, which I usually am when I go over there.
All that considered, it also felt very good when I got back on Friday; there are few things I like more than the peace and feeling of stability that my routine here gives me. Marion was very happy to see me, and Dennis helped me set up the DVD player (all the way from Florida), so Marion and I watched Marley and Me together. I for once had a feeling of looking forward to things, a brief and fleeting feeling but a feeling nonetheless.
So I'm still a little bit disconbobulated, getting used to being back, but I think overall it went quite well. I do feel bad for E who is dealing with quite a lot of health problems, related to MCS, Lyme, and EMF sensitivity, but I hope that despite these difficulties I gave her some moments of comfort and enjoyment this week.
And now, the beat goes on.
I heart you. Even if sometimes I have a beef with you.
I AM ...
2 days ago