Educational Psychology and Taking Courses Online

So lately, I've been thinking about educational psychology. I took a class on it once in college, and thought it was fascinating. Combining two such interesting topics - learning about how to best learn! I love that. Recently, for my freelance writing work, I was assigned to write about educational strategies that work best for kids with autism. Obviously, considering the environment and making it as sensory distraction free is the most important thing. There are others, but my favorite thing was Vygotsky's "proximal zones of development." I may be butchering this description, but it basically says that you should assess where a person is at in their level of learning, and set goals for them that are just a little bit higher but still within their reach, so that they gain confidence and don't fall prey to learned helplessness. It also says that these are goals the person could be considered to accomplish *with help*, not necessarily online.

This is also relevant to me personally, and I talked about this theory in my therapy appt today. I am using it to help me in my goals of trying to go into more stores and do more things. I have been going into at least one new store a week every week since the end of December! And only 90% of them are food related too, lol. I figure it took me four years to get to the rather negative place I was in, so it will probably take me more than 6 weeks to undo it - which means I shouldn't rush. I should be consistent and keep at it but not put too much pressure on myself, or think too much about what the greater meaning of it all is. (That'll get you into trouble every time!) I will "live my way into an answer," as the quote goes.

Anyway, to add another tangent, I was thinking while researching these topics about how it is better for some people with some disabilities to learn through online learning. I had a friend with Asperger's who did that for his last 2 years of high school. There is so much bullying, so many sensory distractions and chaos that it is not always worth keeping a child in public school if you feel they could be served better in a home environment with online learning. Of course, making sure they get some form of socialization if they take this path becomes important. Interest groups or perhaps homeschooling groups may help.

At any rate, I ran into the following information while I was doing this research, and thought I would share it here in case it is of use to any of you.

One in five people have some kind of disability - that's a pretty large number.

"The 2000 U.S. Census reported that nearly 50 million Americans suffer from some kind of disability. That accounts for almost one in five people you meet every day. Despite these high numbers, there are still a lot of misconceptions about the disabled in America. This link points out some of the most common wrong beliefs. People with disabilities can function highly in their society. They can hold jobs, important positions, and they can improve their education. If a disability prevents a person from going to a college, they can easily take courses online. This helpful website can help anyone build the courseload that works for their schedule and ability.”

So, in case anyone was wondering if that was an option, there you go. Links are to some sites that I found relevant. Meanwhile, I am going to go ponder educational pyschology some more while I try to figure out ways to retrain my brain!

Community at Work 2012 Edition

I see I have written very little in here in the last 6 months or so. For that, I apologize! Have no fear, I have something new or semi new for you. Anyone who is curious more about my daily life feel free to friend me on Facebook... (email me first and tell me you are from this site at kgoldfie@gmail.com )

Anyway....

One year ago I wrote the following essay about the first bus ride I had attempted in years and how the power of human connection made it possible. Tonight, about one year and one week later, I wrote an update to that essay, expanding on and confirming those previous themes. Here they are together....Hope they are meaningful to you. I plan to give both to the bus driver.

Community at work
2/6/11

I saw him standing at the bus stop, and I was relieved. I wouldn't have to wait for the bus alone. Not only that, but I could now be pretty sure this actually *was* the bus stop.

"Is this the bus stop?" I asked when I got close enough, a pretty natural conversation opener, I figured, for a bus stop. "I think so," he said. "Any place with a yellow sign by it is a pretty good bet."

"I made good time here. 12 minutes. I figured I should walk here instead of waiting at one of the secondary stops."
"It took me 30 or 40 minutes, I came from that direction," he said, pointing to the street at the left of Town Landing, a small convenience store in front of us.
"Oh, by Wildwood?" I said, instantly recognizing the direction he was pointing in.
"Yeah."
"Do you live there?"
"Yeah."

"That's where I grew up! What street are you on?"
He named the street I had grown up on.

With blonde hair and an easy smile, whoever this guy was, he made a great conversationalist. Good conversationalists, I have to say, are few and far between. A person has to have a certain kind of energy, a certain kind of vibe, as well as natural enthusiasm and curiousity for all aspects of life, to make a truly good conversationalist. These are the people that you can easily fall into a conversation with about just about anything minutes after meeting them, because you both view the world in somewhat similar terms.

The desire to learn more about other people; being nonjudgemental; open-minded; and curious about the world; the desire to learn new things about the world. With these qualities, a conversation can build quite easily on just about anything. You build off of the enthusiasm and the joy of the other person, delighting in shared communication and shared connection. So few people are curious about what their neighbors' lives are like, about who makes up their community. They stay insulated in their own lives. It is the people that want to build and experience community that I am naturally drawn to.

The bus is 20 minutes late. If not for him, I would have started freaking out about missing it 15 minutes ago. Luckily, engrossed in conversation, I hardly notice.

I get on the bus, and he follows. I say hi to the bus driver, who I recognize from years ago when I used to ride the buses regularly. It is nice to see a familiar face. I sit across from the blonde haired guy, hoping to continue our conversation. We do.

"So," I say, "you said you were in construction, but it wasn't for you. What do you do now?"
"I wash dishes," he says, with only a trace of embarassment.
"Good for you!" says one of the passengers near us. "At least you have a job!"
He, the other man and the woman in between them discuss the various ins and outs of washing dishes at different restaurants for several minutes. I love it. Community in the making.

The bus arrives at Walmart, and an onslaught of people get on. The three people in the front decide they should move to the back in case anyone getting on has trouble with stairs and can't make it to the back. I don't like sitting in the back, but I follow them anyway, figuring the value of continuing this conversation will outweigh any additional discomfort from being in the back. It does.

I sit next to the guy from the bus stop. We talk about whatever comes to mind. His sister's desire to become a winemaker spurs a story from me about my uncle, who is a winemaker. My
declaration that I write freelance e-books for money elicits a truly impressed sounding "Wow!" from him. I tell him about some of my favorite places in Portland. He tells me about the place he is from.

Does this sound unremarkable to you? It very well might. For the millions of people who move around the world with ease, and rely on buses to get where they need to go; who move around easily in the social world with their friends and acquaintances, this story may sound quite unremarkable.

But for someone with chemical sensitivities and and autism, who hasn't ridden a bus more than once in several years because of problems with perfumes and fragrances on buses? For someone who the mere idea of being stuck on a bus could induce a powerful emotional and physical meltdown? Then, this story becomes remarkable.

Because, for thirty minutes, it felt like I had a piece of myself back. And, you know, I've been searching for those missing pieces for three years now, and it's not very often I find one, despite all my efforts. The bus was full. There is no doubt that I would have freaked out and fell prey to both the physical and emotional sensations of such a situation had I not had something, or someone, else so enjoyable to focus on.

But he had my full attention. He had that magnetic pull that certain people who wear their emotions and humanity on their sleeve do. A feeling of connectedness.

On a similar note, several years ago, there was an article in the New York Times about an autism therapy called "floortime" that I have never forgotten.

Basically, it discussed different methods to keep autistic kids and adults engaged with the outside world to increase their ability to function in it. This quote stuck with me.

"If we can keep Ty engaged with us, it means that he is harnessing and organizing his energies in order to interact,” Nelson told me later. “By keeping him connected, we won’t let him be kidnapped by random fragmented thoughts. If you aren’t engaged with other people, then you are completely at the mercy of your own regulatory system. Think about a
situation where you were overcome with distress and how being able to tell someone helped you avoid becoming uncontrollably distraught.” (Melissa Fay Greene, New York Times, 17 October 2008)

What is this if not a perfect illustration of that quote? Life is about connection with other people. Some people have more trouble with it than others. But I have never stopped believing that if I could find a way to make it happen, that it would help me enormously in many different parts of my life.

Sitting there in the middle of that bus ride, looking around at all the people around me, the familiar shape of the bus, people chatting animatedly on all sides of me, I got a glimpse of what my life used to be like. I was aware of some mildly unpleasant smells around me, but I could tune them out, because of my conversation. And having that ability to be on the bus without it driving me insane, like I used to be able to do - that felt good.

Community at work. A person cannot live in isolation without serious side effects. Community at work.

*****

Update 2/14/12 - One Year of Independence

It's one year later, and I am reading this essay with a smile on my face, remembering how meaningful that day was to me. Over the past year, this theory, and especially the human connection theory, has proven true over and over again.
I never saw that young man again, but it didn't matter. He gave me the confidence and emotional support to do what I needed to once, and that allowed me to do it a second time.

And what helped me the 2nd time? The bus driver. There are two basic ways to move about this world - to go about your day trying to make a positive impact on everyone you meet, and to go through your day just trying to get through it and shut off to everyone you meet. It is rare to meet someone in the first category, but Barry certainly is. I have now spent a year watching him try to (and usually succeed) in remembering the names of every single person who comes on his bus more than once, of watching him go out of his way to inquire on people's health and welfare, of watching him engage in intruiging philosophical conversations with whoever happens to be lucky enough to be bending his ear at the moment. While occasionally startling at first, I think there are many of us who enjoy watching Barry's own special brand of humor and attempts to make people laugh.

One might think I am exaggerating or harping on inconsequential details, but after his recent month long absence for a vacation, I can certainly attest that the environment is far more pleasant with him in it.

It is important for me to be engaged with something if I am doing something difficult, so that I don't focus exclusively on the sensory issues that may be bothering me. Several times, although fortunately not too many, there have been fragrances that bothered me on the bus. My thought pattern went more like "Dang it. I guess I'll have to deal with that for another 15 minutes" or "Dang it. Don't think about it, concentrate on what you're saying/he's saying" rather than freaking out, getting off the bus and never riding it again, which has definitely happened in the past. (Certain unfortunte experiences on the Missoula, Montana bus system put a rest to my bus riding days for several years and in several different cities before I got the courage to try again.)

So - I am now able to handle the buses whether or not Barry is driving, although I certainly prefer it when he is. I've taken the bus nearly every week for a year, at first to get groceries, then to go to medical appts. My current routine is using the bus to get to a therapy appt in Falmouth, then into Portland to meet a friend and get groceries.

So, Barry, I realize I've written this in the 2nd person, but on a more personal note, I do want you to know, without me getting too mushy and over the top, that you have made a difference in someone's life. Driving a bus may not be the most glamorous of occupations, and may not be what you wish you could be doing with your life, but you got one thing right. You managed to find a way to change other people's lives. And I don't know you well enough to say for sure, but you seem like the kind of guy for whom that would be a priority. I hope you enjoy this book, "Riding the Bus With My Sister," which profiles people whom I find in large part to be very similar to you.

I wanted to give it to (now I can't remember his name, oops) who was like you in many ways and drove the #5 to the mall when I lived in Portland 5 years ago, but I never got the chance before he left. You more than fill his shoes, so I am glad for the opportunity to give it to you.

Not Just A Fish Story

Wanting to see if I could tolerate fish after a few years of not having it, I tried a cooking experiment tonight. I do not usually cook or eat fish so it was a new experience (new relative to the last 2-4 years anyway) on both fronts. I attempted to make flounder and crabmeat, a dish my dad has been making for years that I had always liked before I stopped eating fish. Here are my observations on the proccess.

First, I tried to figure out how much olive oil to put in the pan. That was somewhat unclear but I knew I needed enough for it to bubble. I wasn't sure how long to wait until I put the fish in, but when I started coughing from the smoke that was coming from it (not sure why there was smoke) I decided that was hot enough, lol.

It is very hard to know when the flounder is done when you are sauteeing it on a stove. Sure, some of it did turn a nice browned color but the insides didnt seem firm. There is nothing worse than undercooked white fish!! It's slimy and gross. It doesn't flake quite like salmon and so really you have to guess. And in the process of moving it around to try to tell, it fell into pieces quite easily, but they were big pieces so it was okay.

The basil olive oil, basil and thyme I rubbed on the flounder provided a surprisingly pleasant flavor. It was very mild and I coudn't tell I was tasting basil per se, but it tasted good. Rather unflounderlike in a good way. It was mildly crisped in places and was juicy and almost tasted as if I had used butter, which I didn't. Surprisingly good.

I was not expecting to like the crab. It looked rather gross in the package. But I duitifully spooned some into a pan that was warmed with the basil olive oil, dumped some herbs on it (thyme and rosemary, a hint of salt), and used a fork to push it all around for a couple minutes.

I almost forgot about the crab, but I took a forkfull, regarded it warily, and stuck it in my mouth. It was divine. It was much better than the flounder. I am not sure how to describe the flavor, but it was just as good and flavorful as my dad used to make it, without all the 10 alarm spices he likes to put in it. Win-win.

I then attempted to put the crabmeat over the flounder,which was, as I said, mostly in pieces. The combination was quite good, and again much more like my dad's than I had expected it to be, but I had already consumed so much of each ingredient alone that I couldn't eat too much of the combined dish.

And therein may lie the biggest problem with the dish. It's so good - even without butter - that you can't stop eating it. My stomach doesn't take well to large amounts of everything, so that is something I will have to watch. It did not seem to bother my stomach in the way I had feared, but I did have an uncomfortably full feeling. Nothing unbearable per se, just different and something that would require getting used to.
It's six hours later and I still don't feel hungry. That's kind of creepy. I did have some crackers, but not many. I'm usually always hungry. Must have been that 16 grams of protein in the crab...

Things to Consider -

1. This dish was just begging for lemon. Not sure if that would bother my ultra sensitive teeth or not, but it almost seemed a crime to eat it without.

2. The ingredients make a big difference. I don't know why I ever thought I could cook fish in non coastal Oregon.... No offense to people there but I like Maine fish much better! And flounder is MUCH better than sole! Or at least than the sole I got there.

In the last week to 9 days, I have attempted to go into 5 buildings- Onaturals, 2 chocolate shops and Bow St Market in Freeport, and the Market House in Portland, on 3 different days - and attempted to cook a major dish. I say that's pretty good progress on all my goals! Now I need a break from trying new things. =)

The Art of Being Out In the World

Pictures hopefully to be added later.

A long time ago, I read an article in the NYT "My Turn" column - whatever it's called - about a man with chronic fatigue syndrome (or was it something else?) who loved to surf. Because of his illness, one day (or hour) of surfing would cause him to have to lie in bed for 2 weeks at a time after. But he was so determined
to live life as best he could, that he did it anyway. He considered it more than worth it.

I am reminded of that as I sit here tonight, after having gone to both the Portland Public Library, remodeled 18 months ago, and the year-old Trader Joe's today - for the first time.

My chemical sensitivity makes this a difficult, arduous task but one I've been wanting to try for a while. I just didn't quite expect to do them both at the same day, but yeah.

Ryan came with me as we entered the library. Architecturally and visually very pleasing. It now looks like a modern, big city library (without the institutional feel). Plants, huge windows, lots of benches and artistic touches. Everything arranged neatly and intuitively. Ryan got a library card. I got my fees waived from the last time I had a library card there, 4 years ago. Ha. Librarians very nice. Books too smelly to probably ever make use of it but nice to know it is there.

Walking down Elm St to get to TJs - SO much nicer than walking down Pearl for WF. Brought back so many memories of when I used go to Wild Oats that way. Had a moment of feeling free, independent and happy. Elm shorter than Pearl lol.

Trader Joe's - walked in and thought "This isnt so bad." They didnt change much about the building from when it was WO, so makes sense. Big and open, easy to manuever, but lacking a lot of the stuff - or at least a lot of the varieties and quantities - of things I've found at all the other TJ's I've been to.

Still, the sweets section still was VERY enjoyable to examine.

Got one of their dark choco Belgian bars to try. Rob got lots of snacks for his meeting tomorrow, most of the suggestions provided by me. =)

Knowing that they imported a lot of their employees from other states, I asked my cashier where she was from and she said Wyoming. When I showed her my Montana ID, she got very excited, and VERY enthusiastically told me that Missoula has the biggest smokejumper center in the country. I *love* enthusiastic people. We had a very nice and rather intense discussion for about 3 minutes. She misses Wyoming - no mountains here - by Western standards, anyway.

So, yes, when I got up from my nap, I felt like crap. And spent several minutes convincing myself to get up rather than wallow in my misery. And it is quite possible there still might be more of that. But, I am hoping I can be more like the man who chose to live in the world despite the cost.* Just not quite as extreme as him. And I know today, I took two major steps toward that goal.

*Restrictions and limitations may apply. Coupon only good for one sale per week.

Book Review - "Slip" Won't Easily Slip Out of Your Mind

"Slip" Won't Easily Slip Out of Your Mind After Reading It

Why did Tanya Savko write her new book, "Slip," published by Kova Publishing?

Savko was frustrated with a lot of the misconceptions that surround autism, especially the statistic that 85% of all marriages where there is a child with autism involved end in divorce. She wanted to show that it really is a far more complicated picture than that - that marriages that involve autism are subject to the same frailties and potential problems that any relationship would be. Autism is only one factor, she says. At the same time, she wanted to write a portrayal of what family life with autism was really like.

And Savko has succeeded. I found "Slip" to be an engaging portrayal of life with autism, as well as a compelling portrait of a failing marriage and subsequent new start in life. Andrew Pavel, already feeling unsatisfied with his life, is shocked when his wife Erica announces that she doesn't love him anymore. Around this same time, their son, Nathan, is diagnosed with autism. Everything is changing around Andrew, and he doesn't know what to do. Eventually, though, Andrew learns that he can not only exist on his own, but thrive, and manages to stumble into a life he is actually happy about. This book will not only teach you a lot about autism, but inspire you as you watch Andrew try to recreate his life into something worth living.

I had the opportunity to interview Tanya about her book, and how closely it matched her life. Here are some of her answers.

1. How much of this is based on your own life?

This book is based largely on my life, but some parts have been fictionalized. I do have a son, Nigel, who has autism and went through the same struggles as Nathan. Nigel's younger brother, Aidan, also has sensory integration issues, like Eileen in the book.

2. Why did you decide to do a fictional account of life with autism instead of a memoir?

Writing a novel presented more of a creative challenge, and I love to create characters. There are a lot of really good memoirs out there about autism, but not as many novels, so I wanted to contribute something to that genre.

3. Nathan has a lot of sensory issues in the book. Can you remember the first time when you were able to figure out why something that seemed to bother your child for no reason was actually a sensory issue?

When he was little, I couldn't figure out why he had so much trouble in crowds. I later figured out that it was the noise that bothered him.

4. How long did it take you to write this book?

It took about 2 years to write, then another two to self-publish.

5. What has your most difficult struggle in your journey with autism been?

Keeping Nigel safe. When he was younger, he would wander off a lot, or bolt when something scared him. I was constantly afraid he'd wander into a parking lot and get hit by a car. Also, being a single parent has been difficult.

6. What are your happiest memories in your memories of raising your kids?

When the 3 of us are home together watching a funny movie we all enjoy, and laughing. This is somewhat of an achievement when autism is involved, due to the difficulty of having joint attention and sharing experiences often found in autism.

7. What do you think are the biggest misconceptions about autism?

That people with autism can't talk, or that they have no desire to communicate. Also, the myth that autistic people don't have empathy, which is not true.

8. If a new parent of an autistic child came to you, what is the first thing you would say to them?

I would tell them that it's going to be okay. That's what I would have wanted to hear. Also, it's important to set up a good support system.

9. If you could look back at your years of special needs parenting, what is the one thing you think you most did right or are most glad of having done?

I am glad we enrolled Nigel in the ABA program. We had him in there 3 years, and he really improved a lot.

Thanks, Tanya, for your time! If any of you readers would like to purchase a copy of Tanya's new book "Slip," which I highly reccommend you do, you can get one at Amazon by clicking this link .

Happy reading!

A Summer to Remember

I have not the slightest notion what happene when I went to post this entry to my Aspie from Maine blog, but somehow it got poste to a blog I am not even in possession of.

So assuming it still will continue to exist, try this link

http://kategoldfield.blogspot.com/

I only spent like an hour on it....geez

Argh!!!!!!

Parenthood Asperger's Storyline - Must See

It's past my bedtime, but.

The 2nd episode of Parenthood on NBC. I just watched it. BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN ON TV.

And without a doubt the most amazing coverage of Asperger's I have ever seen.

I had tears in my eyes by the end. I have never had tears in my eyes from watching something on TV.

Every storyline was so vivid, so well played out, and so emotional. I got caught up in everyone's stories.

But Max. Oh, Max. When they showed him trying to make friends .... I can't even describe... ptsd here because it brings up so many painful memories of me in the exact same situation.
That scene had so much realism, you just can't even imagine. Then, later on, when they showed him sitting on a table at reccess, reading a book while everyone else played boisterously around him, and he just tuned them out? My entire elementary school experience, condensed in one scene. More flip flops of my heart. I spent every reccess reading a book on the cold, hard concrete by the door in elementary school. That scene could NOT have been any more real.
Fortunately these were only like 30 second scenes so I didn't have time to get too depressed.

But, at the very end,when they show him sitting alone again.And his younger cousin Jabar comes up to him with two or three of his friends,and sit with him. They start peppering him with questions - questions about things he might actually know about. He looks at them for a second, silent. Not saying anything. You're worried for a second he might mess this up, might not respond to them at all. But them he says "Hi, I'm Max Braverman," just as he was taught. And this time, they respond well. And then Max launches into a dialogue about the video game they were asking him about - finally at ease, communicating in his own way.

And then the clencher. Jabar,the younger cousin, says to his friends, "See, I told you, he knows everything! He's like a genius!"

And then my heart swelled up inside of me, and tears came to my eyes. If only. If only everyone with Asperger's could be surrounded by people who sees what they CAN do, and not what they can't. If only they could be surrounded by people who aren't put off by their awkward social skills, but like them for who they are.

I eventually found those people,but it took me a hell of a lot longer than Max, at age 8 or 9 - it took me until the latter half of high school.

And I just think, put together, those were the most moving scenes I have ever seen on TV.
In those three scenes, which probably weren't more than say 4 minutes altogether, they perfectly encapsulated first what Asperger's is, and second, how to interact with someone who has it. What more could you ask for?

If you have not seen it - you must watch it.

Click here to watch it.

The storyline with Adam and Crosby was nothing short of inspiring, and the story line with Julia was gripping - the rejection of the coffee girl was nothing short of a knife in the heart - but it was the storyline with Max that really got me.

I LOVE this show.

Kate