Aspie from Maine: On Expectations

Monday, June 2, 2014

On Expectations

Facebook post

Expectations are so toxic. When I finally got to the point in my day when I was just spent and had no expectations other than to get thru the rest of my day (but had had enough satisfying experiences in the day so that I was tired without being depressed) and was free from expectations, that is when happiness was able to fill me for the first time in the day... Lean On Me came on the sound system at gelato place.. and I found myself singing... for the first time today. If you knew me... you would know that a day where I don't sing at some point is a day not well spent indeed. And when I start singing again... I find myself once again.

If I could find a way to do without expectations, I would. They strangle me. I compare everything I do to my expectations of what "should" be happening , especially according to the expectations of those around me. I KNOW it's toxic. But it's such a hard habit to break. To live without expectation, to live and enjoy each moment without obsessively worrying about the future or comparing each moment to SOMEONE ELSE'S version of success would be so freeing.

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About This Blog

What's it really like to be a 20 something with Asperger's? On this blog, I hope to explore that question. But this blog is not just limited to an audience of people in their 20s - this is for anyone who ever wanted to know anything about autism. I plan to delve into the nature and experience of autism, and examine it from as many angles as possible. I would like to start a conversation between people with Asperger's or autism, parents of kids with autism spectrum disorders, and anyone who just wants to know more. Let's explore what autism means, together.

Asperger's Book for Sale

Common Scents: Adventures with Autism and Chemical Sensitivity" is the story of a young woman's search for physical and emotional safety as she journeys through the mountains of the Cascades, small coastal towns on the Oregon coast, and out-of the-way towns in upstate New York. Along the way, she experiences things she would never have dreamed possible had she stayed in her Maine hometown, and begins to learn the power of human connection.

Common Scents is the story of the last three years of my life. It gives a gripping view of what it is like to experience the world as someone on the autistic spectrum, and some would say, is an entertaining travel story as well. Because of chemical sensitivities, I engaged on a three year journey for a place I could call home.

Comments from readers:

"The Asperger's element is remarkable. I feel that I understand my son better, so much better. I laughed at this part.... because I've stared at my son in the same way for the same thing." - mother of an Asperger's kid

"Your writing style is SO engaging and interesting. It brings me right into the subject and I always experience a little emotional punch towards the end. In other words, this is the third time I've teared-up reading your work. Kate, you've highlighted ALL the problems with how social skills are usually taught." - mother of ASD kid

"I stayed up entirely too late reading the first 14 pages. I can relate to so much of what you write. I really think you are expressing the true experience with MCS and autism in words that convey the experience." person with chemical sensitivity (MCS)

"Absolutely interesting, insightful and witty. You've blended together your three themes beautifully (Asperger's, MCS and travelling). It seems seamless."

For more information, and to buy the book in paperback, please go to http://kategoldfield.webs.com and click on the link at the end.

A PDF is also available for $7.95 by emailing KGoldfie@gmail.com

Any questions, please feel free to ask!