Right Where I Need to Be

I go to a self-improvement style meetup one town over near where I grew up (so it has nostalgic value too) every two weeks, and have for the past year and a half. It's a very nice group of people and I feel very fondly towards the facilitator. 

At the meetup tonight, one thing we talked about was "I'm right where I need to be," and I tried to imagine a way of living where I could be okay with existing in whatever physical or mental state I was in... And find a reason behind it, know that even though it just seems like it's mindless unnecessary suffering, that actually, there's a reason behind it. 

If I look back at my life over the last 10 years or so, I can see times where I thought I was just mindlessly suffering, but those times ended up being a great source of inspiration and growth when looked upon with the viewpoint of a few years. In fact, I've said this before, but had I never had to move around the country for several years to survive, I wouldn't be anywhere near the (mostly) well-rounded, intelligent person I am now - I wouldn't have PERSPECTIVE, and perspective is what I have always desired more than anything. I wouldn't have a sense of the world around me. I wouldn't have a sense that people can live in so many different ways and that's okay. I wouldn't have any self-esteem or confidence.

So, I ask myself, what am I preparing myself to do or be now, during this time of partial suffering and partial growth? What will I see when I look back on it in a few years that I can't see now because I'm too close to it? How will I grow? Maybe I am "right where I need to be." Maybe there is a reason. Maybe it is okay to simply exist sometimes and not have to constantly be worrying about matching my life up to an idea in my head. In fact, if there is one theme in the meeting tonight, it was that life should not be lived trying to match it up to an idea in your head. It should be lived as it is.

One guy at the meeting had had six or seven different careers - from doctor to stock market to flight attendant to psychotherapist. He's nearly 70 with a great sense of energy. He just went where life took him. One girl was talking about how the ocean brings things to us and takes things back, both good and bad - trash and a beautiful shell in the same wave, and we need to accept it all. She said she learned acceptance from the ocean.

In this book I'm reading (The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch, my second time reading it) he talks about how his wife tried to teach him how to go with the flow. He said "But you won't accomplish anything that way. " She said , "But life throws punches and if you don't go with the flow, you will be knocked down, and then you definitely won't accomplish anything."

All good food for thought in a very inspiring meeting with 14 people - 6 men and 6 women, no wait, one guy came late, so it must have been 7 men which means it's the first time in history there were more guys than women! - and a very nice exchange of ideas. And now I want to listen to some Gary Allan  And hope I can keep these ideas in my head for longer than the time it takes to type them up!

Also, today I went to the Jewish History museum. It was beautiful. They said I can volunteer there to do some research and also do a presentation on autism, so I am excited about that!